WHAT DOES THIS DO FOR A LIVING?

Bet ya didn't think you'd be on this blog again did ya love? Alexa Chung aka the anorexic waste of space was snapped walking (amazing she's got the energy) around NYC recently and she looked like a white Ethiopian. If you're an avid reader of The Sizzling Mess you'll remember the only other post we've done on this joke of a being and it proves that this bitch sure as hell AIN'T naturally skinny. Let's be honest, she'd literally break her legs and pelvic bone if she fell over.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST NEWS]

KEEPS GETTIN' BIGGER

Fuckin' hell! Fat bitch aka Christina Aguilera was almost unrecognizable whilst arriving at the airport in LA. We don't know if there's something calorific in the Hollywood water, but all these pop stars seem to be PILING it on. To add insult to injury, it looks as though Xtina has grown a flattering double chin. Oh how a flopped album and divorce can ruin one's figure. We hope lady gets her image back to normal and that ass back to a non-obese size asap.

[Image via FLYNET]

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A BIG MAC

We are severely confused over at The Sizzling Mess. We DO NOT understand how diva pig Mariah Carey STILL hasn't shifted any of that baby weight? The whale/drag queen was pictured performing a TV special in honor of Obama (yes he's unfortunately still the President) and frankly she looked like she still had another couple babies to shit out. To top it all off, we learned that her stylist couldn't even find her a dress that fit, so they took desperate measures and bought 300 meters of red lace and voila you have the STUNNING creation seen above.

[Image via GETTY]

OOPS...SHE'S EATEN TOO MUCH AGAIN!

Judging by the latest photos from Britney Spears' new tour, it's pretty clear that instead of working out like a bastard she opted to stuff her face like a fat bitch and this is why you're seeing a semi-beached whale. We wish the TALENTED vocalist would get her shit together once and for all and just stop fuckin' eating. Pigs might fly before that happens though. On top of her mess of a body, stretch marks and Primark outfits, our sources claim she took a coffee/doughnut break every 30 minutes to re-energize herself. Mmm for what exactly? We know that lip-syncing must really take it's toll on the vocal cords. If however her spokesperson announces that she's up the duff in the near future then we're sincerely apologize for this post. Fat bitch.

[Image via SPLASH]

ONCE A FATTY ALWAYS A FATTY

We're confused after seeing this photo of STUNNER Kelly Osbourne who's apparently supposed to be skinny now. On top of her fucking MESS of an outfit, bobble head and thunder thighs, the TALENTED star (fat bitch) was rockin' a fugly ass pig nose on the red carpet. We don't quite get what she does to stay relevant besides pretending to know a shit load about fashion. On the upside, Kel is apparently getting her own character on Farmville in the near future...boink!

[Image via WIRE]

IT'S JUST MONEY ENNIT

Now we ain't sayin' this bitch is a mess cause she's SHIT hot, but one thing that AMAZING actress Jennifer Aniston didn't always have were slim thighs. Judging by the oldies we found above which were taken in around '96, it's clear that her ass could have easily cracked a walnut or two back in the day. Isn't it great when celebs tell the truth about how they were just 'blessed' with good genes and shit like that? Come on Jen, we all know the secret to that body is making yourself throw up after every meal. If money's also the key then what the fuck is Khloe Kardashian's excuse?

[Image via WIRE]

LET'S HOPE CHANEL DO RETURNS

Wow, this really is a STUNNING photo of Lily Allen. The (talentless) "singer" was pictured arriving at some church (in a place no one cares about) where she is due to marry her beau today, and her Chanel (we're not kidding) dress was just a CATASTROPHIC mess. We get that in the world of celebrity Chanel equals taste (particularly new money celebs), but Lily looked like a bloated tranny from the 20's covered in 30,000 meters of (tacky) lace. Who'd have guessed she was going for a (slightly classier) Gypsy look? We hope you have a great day and your marriage lasts and all, but Lily why the fuck did you wear this shit?

[Image via FLYNET]

POSH SPICE IN DISGUISE

There ain't many (recent) sizzling mess photos of Victoria Beckham aka Vicky B, but we felt that the (naturally) skinny "designer" looked common as muck with a slight slapper edge in this one. Looking at these (natural) melons just makes her look more of a twat for ever denying she had bap surgery. The "excessively talented" B- Lister (no Vicky you'll never make A) was seen vacationing in Marbella when the FLATTERING pic was snapped. Oh, don't they look subtle in that CLASSY top? We know she secretly wants to pretend like these photos don't exist, but we just can't let them slide.

[Image via GOFF]

LOST AT BIRTH?

Since losing 200 pounds on Dancing With The Stars, Kelly Osbourne's career has (apparently) soared. The semi-reformed fatty has tried everything from presenting (she's a natural) to trying to look sexy (and failing) for Madonna's clothing line Material Girl. Now she's not the biggest mess out there granted, but there is something VERY disturbing about the size of this bitches head. Talk about disproportionate. Anyhoo, we think the drag queen troll should get in touch with the Cabbage Patch Kids creators and cash in on her "fame" while it lasts. On the other hand it could make the companies sales decline, cause if we had to look at dolls with Kelly's (deformed) head attached to them, our eyes would be pretty offended. We want the old (obese) Kelly back!

[Images via WIRE & MATTEL]

MR TRY-HARD HENRY

For someone like Henry Holland who tries so hard to be edgy, we found it highly amusing when we saw him with an Hermes bracelet around his wrist. The lame Eastender (Manchester native) has always puzzled us when it comes to his ON TREND fashion choices. We swear he's worn the same pair of jeans, brogues (clown version) and denim jacket for the past 6 years. Oh and let's not forget the bow tie...SO freakin' edgy! Someone might wanna tell him, but when you start doing fashion shows and collaborating with "high-end" stores like Debenhams, you might wanna make it look as though your "collection" wasn't made with a glue gun near Old Street. My phone just rang and Quagmire from Family Guy wants his jaw back.

[Image via REX FEATURES]