EVEN SHARKS WOULDN'T RAPE THIS MESS

One of the reasons that we love Tara Reid is that she's such a hot mess and still actually believes that she's hot and everyone wants to fuck her. The actress who now does shitty TV movies (let's face it American Pie was the height of her career) posted a pic to on Twitter of her splashing around on the beach in Malibu and boy did it look rough to say the least. The poor bitch has always just had that cheap and used look and of course the fuck off fake tits and anorexic frame don't help. We're guessing Californian chicks must age amazingly well with all that sun exposure and poor diet.

[Image via TWITTER]

FILL IN THE BLANK FOR A GHETTO MESS...

After I stuck my hairline down with superglue I thought DAYUM I look so _____________________ I'm gon' leave the house looking like this.

[Image via GOOGLE]

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER IS TOTES TRUE

We do love a good golden oldie and this Dina & Lindsay Lohan one definitely doesn't disappoint. The actress was snapped partying with her mom a while back and boy did they both look a sight for sore eyes. To be honest they'd look super at home walking up and down Hollywood Blvd during the night and let's face it that would help with LiLo's money problems. Talk about one fuck off catastrophic downward spiral.

[Image via REX]

THIS JUST CANNOT BE LEGEND WHITNEY!

We kinda hate the last tour Whitney Houston did before she died cause not only was it her worst vocal performance, but the woman looked horrendous. The ridiculously talented and now deceased singer was papped doing her show in London back in 2010 and you literally can't tell who it is to be honest. Where the hell did her cheekbones disappear to guys? Such a shame cause music is such shit nowadays. Just sayin.'

[Image via GETTY]

LOOK AWAY, YOU'LL CATCH HIV PEOPLE!

We are not we repeat NOT homophobic for anyone out there who's too sensitive, but when this munter of a being aka Perez Hilton left his gaff the other night to attend some shite event we just had to make it a post. Sorry but it should actually be illegal to look this ugly and he literally looked like he was carrying the HIV virus. To think that this has adopted a kid too...the poor thing don't stand a chance.

[Image via PEREZ HILTON]

SOMETIMES EVEN ANIMALS GET IT WRONG

We stumbled across this golden oldie of TV personality (pig) Vanessa Feltz and couldn't help but not feature it on The Sizzling Mess for your viewing pleasure. Now we're not sure what it's up to these days besides eating, but we sure as hell remember the bitch for her rank wardrobe choices. According to sources she actually employs a stylist but we don't know of any respectable stylist who would pull a dress from Frederick's of Hollywood (Ann Summers for English people) and put it on someone for a red carpet event. Well maybe not red, we are only talking about Vanessa Feltz here.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

DID HE PLAN ON BECOMING THIS FUGLY?

It really is a shame when Hollywood stars and people like Mickey Rourke ruin their looks by having too much surgery and we just don't understand the drive behind making yourself look fugly. The now over the hill star was snapped arriving at LAX over the weekend and it looked like a walking mummy in a beanie if we're honest. Can you believe that the left and much better photo was just 30 years prior? Nice low cut tee too Mickey...we didn't realize you'd become gay too.

[Image via MGM/SPLASH]

HOW WAS THIS A FRICKIN' MODEL PEOPLE?

This actually makes us kinda sad to see Janice Dickinson looking like she's left her retirement home for the afternoon to go play bridge with the girls, but no you're eyes ain't fooling you she really does look that fucking awful and may we stress old. The former model (shocker) was seen leaving her local market in Malibu and the bitch had either smuggled kids into the country or she'd had a fuck off nasty perm. To top it all off, the stretched skin and puffy lips just make her look even more desperate to stay young and it's really not hot. When will these LA dummies learn that less is more?

[Image via FLYNET]

EVEN MAKE-UP DOESN'T SAVE THE BITCH

Just when you think Lindsay Lohan can maybe pull it together and look good for the premiere of her new TV movie (embarrassing) Liz & Dick she turns up looking like a big ass hot mess. The actress (debatable) was snapped arriving at the airport in LA looking like a bloated alcoholic and didn't look much better a few hours later when walking the red carpet. The bloated face, fish lips and hooker dress just did nothing for her and once again we'd love to know what the fuck the stylist was thinking? Well if she can even afford one.

[Image via SPLASH/GETTY]

THE PLASTIC SURGEON NEEDS FIRING

Sorry but what the FUCK is going on with Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's face? The royally connected former IT girl (past-it coke whore) was snapped walking around London looking for a syringe and looked fucking DOG rough. It's amazing how she's got so much confidence (less after reading this) cause if it looked like our nose had been broken and we'd been spat on, we just wouldn't be able to find the courage to leave the house. Oh and if you haven't been lucky enough to listen to this thing's new song (yes it tries to sing) then we insist you watch the AMAZING video here.

[Image via GOTCHA]

OVER THE HILL CHEERLEADER MUCH?

It must be kinda embarrassing to have your mom run around in tiny outfits looking like a desperate high school cheerleader, so we can honestly say that we fully empathize with Madonna's poor daughter Lourdes. The famous fag hag was seen performing in Italy recently and let's just say that all we can see from the above photo it desperate old slapper. Speaking of Lourdes, we wonder when Madge will get her eyebrows waxed?

[Image via REUTERS]

SERENA WOULD NEVER BEEN SEEN WITH THIS

The above snap of stunner Blake Lively and singer (sausage hider) Florence Welch is what we'd like to call a classic. The unlikely duo recently met at an awards bash in LA and let's just say that we bet Blake was thinking I'm gonna look fucking amazing next to this dog. Poor old Flo didn't even pose well and looked like a right munter in the headlights, but maybe Disney producers will see this and make a lesbo version of Beauty & The Beast?

[Image via GETTY]

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MOSSY

Now we know this was taken in the moment of a terrible facial expression, but there ain't no denying that Kate Moss is a fucking dog. The supermodel (past-it slapper) once again ditched her kid and did an "all-nighter" with the girls (fellow slappers) around London and looked like she'd been gobbed on at the end of the night. We are very miffed as to why all these companies want such overrated trash to be their muse, but maybe a coke head skank helps with sales these days? We'll admit we're pretty bitter she earns a fortune looking a mess posing in front of a camera, but if she's so hot why does everyone airbrush it huh?

[Image via OPTIC]

BEST MAGAZINE FEATURE ANIMALS?

Okay we get that Cheryl Fergison's character on Eastenders is supposed to resemble a fugly pig, so we're slightly confused as to why a feature of the actress herself in Best magazine looks no different. Anyway the Two Ton Tessie was featured in the latest spread for the rag (sorry it's barely worthy of being called that) and she looked like a pig that'd robbed a make-up store. We can't really make out where her neck is either? Nice touch with the cleverly placed 50 meters of pink chiffon, but c'mon it really doesn't hide the fact that this bitch would eat your kid if she was hungry.

[Image via BEST MAGAZINE]

TRAGEDY AKA LISA SCOTT-LEE

We apologize in advance for doing this to our readers, but we couldn't resist a good old vintage classic. Lisa Scott-Lee aka the desperate member of former pop band Steps (major cringe) can be seen rockin' some GORGEOUS hair back in the day. Apparently she was attending a beauty pageant in Wales (low) as a celebrity guest judge, but if we were running the event we'd of been waiting for the celebrity all night cause Lisa sure ain't one. We bet she is LOVING the fact that Steps are reuniting this Spring and she's back in the papers. At least your increased earnings will keep the final demands at bay love.

[Image via GOFF]