ANGE KINDA PASSES WITH FLYING COLORS...

Okay so we get that Angelina Jolie is a cunt and Jennifer Aniston is a "serious actress", but c'mon people when you put these bitches side by side it's easy to see why Brad chose the Tomb Raider actress. Don't get it twisted cause we do think that Jen is cute and all, but she's always had that clownish smile going on and her looks are average with lip gloss and cute hair at best. Now when you look at Ange it's just obvious that she's got it cause she can say come fuck with her eyes and still have an air of mystery about her. There's probably plenty of girls out there who think Jen is beautiful, but we think they need their eyes testing. Cute and pretty sure...beautiful not.

[Image via GETTY/PACIFIC COAST]

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!

Holy shit balls people! Christina Aguilera rocked up to this years AMA's looking shit hot compared to the disaster of a dress she turned up in last year. Initially we thought her overall look last year wasn't that bad, but after comparing it to this year she looked a total orange mess. The trampy singer scrubbed up damn well for the event and looked like she was revisiting her throwback glam look...let's just hope she keeps the weight off.

[Image via GETTY/SPLASH]

WHAT DID THIS WOMAN DO WITH XTINA?

Okay so we're becoming totally obsessed with Christina Aguilera at the minute, but c'mon people she looks fucking stunning and after hating on the former fatty for so long we feel she deserves all the praise! The belter and coach of The Voice can be seen posing for the latest issue of Maxim magazine in a series of stunning and surprisingly tasteful photos and lady is looking SMOKING hot. To be honest we're more puzzled by the fact that she looks nowhere near 32 years old...what's her secret? Keep it up honey cause we love what we're seeing.

[Image via MAXIM]

OMGEEE CHRISTINA, IS THAT ACTUALLY YOU?

Holy shit is literally all we thought after seeing the above snap of Christina Aguilera and can you blame us? We loved to hate on Xtina when she was a flubber but it seems this flower has bloomed and decided it don't wanna be obese no more, cause lady SHUT IT DOWN over the weekend. The songstress was seen on promotional duties at an NBC gala on Saturday for the new season of The Voice and not only did she look totes amaze balls, but he body was OOC! Even though she was rocking her usual trailer trash look, bitch worked it as she looked like a hot teenage slut who didn't make the cast of The Hills. You can finally see your feet again...go Xtina!

[Image via JUST JARED]

WE JUST WANNA FEEL THIS WEIGHT MOMENT!

Praise the Lord! The current Christina Aguilera weight loss crush continues people and lady is looking even better than ever. While it's not back to her skinny Burlesque days, she's definitely shed the pounds off those evil thighs and that ass is looking a little trimmer too. Only thing that looks odd is how far down her tits are in comparison to her overall body and how big is that bra? Melons much Xtina!

[Image via NBC]

SPONGE BOB WAS ALWAYS A DIRTY GAY

We gotta admit that Tom Daley is TOTES one of our many illegal crushes (we feel like pedos) and it seems even Sponge Bob can't keep his animated hands (and tongue) off his hot torso. What we wouldn't give to be the pool this thing dives in...preferably minus the Speedos.

[Image via NICKELODEON/GETTY]

BITCH HAS KNOCKED IT OUT THE PARK!

Sorry if you hate Xtina but we simply can't ignore how good lady is looking lately. Christina Aguilera was seen rocking the stage at the Billboard Music Awards in Vegas last weekend and bitch has dropped some serious pounds. The singer and judge on The Voice will hopefully keep it up cause we'd hate to put her back in our top 10...or would we?

[Image via AP]

XTINA FINALLY FIRED HER BLIND STYLIST!

Holy Shit what did this woman do with Xtina! You're eyes ain't fooling you either cause this actually is Christina Aguilera looking a MILLION times better than usual thanks to some much needed weight loss and a stylist who isn't visually impaired. The talented singer was snapped walking the red carpet at the Time 100 event in NYC recently and she looked a million bucks. We literally can't think of a bad word to say and we don't often have this problem as you all know. Just keep doing whatever you're doing honey!

[Image via GETTY]

WILHELMINA SLATER WOULD SPIT ON THIS

It's pretty shocking that even the likes of Vanessa Williams who usually looks erection inducingly hot is a bit of a dog minus the war paint. The actress was seen running errands around NYC and looked a world away from her character on the now cancelled show Ugly Betty, which let's face it got pretty tired towards the final season. We'll admit that the bitch looks good for 49 years old, but can you believe this won Miss America at one point?

[Image via REX FEATURES]

WE WOULDN'T WANT THIS NEAR OUR FOOD

Now usually the sexy Nigella Lawson would have guys lining up to fuck her, but when it stepped out recently there were zero men waiting and we can see why. The rich bitch TV chef was seen walking around London deciding what she should cook next and it looked like Dumbo in a yellow tent to say the least. We literally cannot get over her fuck off massive ears and that hair is so flat and rank looking bless her. Maybe check the mirror before you leave ya gaff next time love?

[Image via MEL]

FUCK OFF IS THIS THE SAME PERSON!

Sofia Vergara is well known for her luscious looks and "give you a woody in 3 seconds" effect, but it seems just like every poor bitch in the world she too looks dog rough minus the warpaint. The sexy Modern Family actress was papped out to lunch in LA this week and she looked a world away from her usually groomed to fuck red carpet appearances. In place of the usual sizzling Latina was a plain and foreign looking thing who could easily be mistaken for someone's maid if we're totally honest. This just proves that with money and the right resources anything is possible.

[Image via PACIFIC/X17]

DEATH BECOMES HER POTION DON'T EXIST

Fuck us hard cause we literally could NOT believe our eyes when we first spotted this picture! The above pensioner is in fact former Italian siren Isabella Rossellini and it's pretty clear that Mr Gravity's been an asshole to her and she's been a dumb bitch and not succumbed to the surgeon's knife. We don't really have any words but we wouldn't want her to spread for us anymore that's for sure.

[Image via FLYNET]

YOUR FACE IS A SIN HONEY

The Sizzling Mess has NEVER come across a bad pic of actress Jessica Alba...until now. The usually stunning star was papped leaving her hotel in Paris yesterday and she looked like a character from Bo Selecta. Even though she always looks pretty hot, we feel like she always has a sort of down syndrome ish appearance. Is it just us or does she looks like she's been beaten up a little too? Maybe she "poked herself in the eye" or maybe she fucked off Chris Brown.

[Image via SPLASH]