STOP RIGHT NOW AND GET THE SLAP LOVE!

So after seeing this shit it's pretty clear that Mel B is one of the unfortunate women out there that need a fuck load of make-up to look good cause bitch looks nasty sans slap. Scary Spice was papped en route to dinner in London recently and she sure lived up to her rough bitch from Leeds name cause it looked she'd deck anyone who fucked her off. Not much else to say cause let's face it she's kinda boring and far too brassy for our liking.

[Image via AKM-GSI]

MORE LIKE DYKE UP YOUR LIFE!

It's kinda shocking that we've never featured Mel C on The Sizzling Mess before, but when we clapped eyes on the above snap of her jogging around London recently her luck ran out. What the fuck is it wearing for a start and we know you're only running love but did you need to dress like a butters dyke who's partially sighted? We're not really sure what she does anymore but she could totes do with some ProActiv too.

[Image via INF]

FOR ONCE VICKY B GETS IT SO WRONG

It may happen once in a blue moon but Victoria Beckham stepped out looking not so great recently. The fashion "designer" was seen strolling around London in a jacket made of hot air balloons and a pair of jeans that did her match stick pins NO favors whatsoever. To finish off this fashion fail look her feet looked like they belonged to Coco The Clown rather than an international fashion icon. Better luck next time hey Vicky!

[Image via SPLASH]

GERI SO HIRED THIS TO WALK PAST HER

You know you're a desperate nobody when you hire regular fatties to walk past you in the street thus making you look hotter, but we're onto you Geri Halliwell and those kinda cheap tricks just won't fly with us. The former Spice Girl was papped on the school run with her many sprogs and we gotta say it did look good seeing as it's like 50, but it reminds us that every woman could look this good if she chucked up after every meal so it's kind of a downer too. Did y'all notice that the pissed looking stranger in the great outfit is like 3 times the size of Geri?

[Image via GOFF]

MEET GERI'S 50 YEAR OLD TWIN

Bad times for Geri Halliwell. You know your career's sunk to an all time low when you put your best clobber on and head out to the Marie Curie cancer care charity event. We mean no disrespect to the charity here, we're merely highlighting that z-listers such as Geri resort to anything to stay relevant. Anyway, the former Spice Girl looked like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards and gobbed on when she showed up the other night. What's with the birds nest hair by the way love? Nothing says class like a tie necklace made of (fake) diamonds though.

[Image via GETTY]

SHE HASN'T CHANGED A BIT HAS SHE?

Wow. Victoria Beckham really is insulting the world's intelligence when she continually insists that her rack is natural. You only have to look at the above to see that both her figure and tits are practically identical. Let's be real though cause this is another case of what we like to call ACS (Alexa Chung syndrome) aka a fucked up level of denial. Now don't get it twisted, Posh wasn't a fat cunt when she was younger, but she sure as hell weren't no size zero. Oh and if you think you can have tits like that after 4 kids and still be able to fit into kids clothes, you're a really bad liar and a fucking idiot.

[Image via GETTY/REX FEATURES]

TOO MUCH OF NOTHING = SIZE ZERO

Poor old Vicky B aka Victoria Beckham is looking proper tired these days ennit. The mum of (we think it's around 5 sprogs now) was snapped looking VERY chubby at a recent event in NYC wearing a STUNNING dress. Now we gotta say that Mrs Beckham looks great most of the time, but this outfit was just a total mess. The "natural" tan, protruding collar bone (fucking rank) and oily skin looked a right state. On a more positive note, we hear that Posh is apparently dressing lots of stars for the Oscars. We can just picture it...baby Harper sucking silicone from one of her tits, while she sits at her sewing machine banging out couture till the wee hours of morning. Ah she's such an inspiration!

[Image via WIRE]

FUCK VIVA I NEED COCK FOREVER

Don't ya think that UGG boots covered in silver sequins just make you think of classy gals? Yeah we don't think so either. We guess SHIT HOT MESS slapper Melanie Brown aka Scary Spice doesn't agree with the masses though, as the CHIC dog wore them just before she shat out another kid earlier today. She (it) did herself no favors by teaming them with blue sweatpants and a working class sweater. Add to that her big ole fat mess of a face (body in general) and you have a super rich council house tenant that got lucky back in the 90s. Life's just not fair ennit!

[Image via SPLASH]